Just got home from therapy and thought I should work on the next part to help keep my energy up. I learned some interesting things about myself today. Today kinda started off bad for me, I felt like I was starting to slip back into the 'You are your Mind' way of thinking again. I learned today that I am really harsh on myself when it comes to judging and forgiving. I realized I am so nice to the outside world, yet I am very harsh on myself. I am learning about the different parts of my mind, like ego, id, and super ego. I was stuck talking about all these things I thought I should be doing. I kept saying "I should". That was my super ego talking though, not me, which I wasn't aware of before. Anyway, here is the next section:
Freeing Yourself From Your Mind
When someone goes to the doctor and says. 'I hear a voice in my head,' he or she will most likely be sent to a psychiatrist. The fact that, in a very similar way, virtually everyone hears a voice, several voices, in their head all the time: the involuntary thought processes that you don't realize you have the power to stop. Continuous monologues or dialogues.
This is very true for me. I have a very busy and anxious mind. I am learning that when I don't keep my mind busy, it starts to wander off and think about things it shouldn't. That's when I get into trouble and my suffering begins.
You have probably come across 'mad' people in the street incessantly talking or muttering to themselves. Well, that's not much different from what you and other 'normal' people do, except that you don't do it out loud. The voice comments, speculates, judges, compares, complains, likes, dislikes, and so on. The voice isn't necessarily relevant to the situation you find yourself in at the time; it may be reviving the recent or distant past or rehearsing or imagining possible future situations. Here it often imagines things going wrong and negative outcomes; this is called worry. Sometimes this soundtrack is accompanied by visual images or 'mental movies.' Even if the voice is relevant to the situation at hand, it will interpret it in terms of the past. This is because the voice belongs to your conditioned mind, which is a result of all your past history as well as of the collective cultural mind-set you inherited. So you see and judge the present through the eyes of the past and get a totally distorted view of it. It is not uncommon for the voice to be a person's own worst enemy. Many people live with a tormentor in their head that continuously attacks and punishes them and drains them of vital energy. It is the cause of untold misery and unhappiness, as well as of disease.
Oh man, where to begin here, there is so much that sticks out to me here. Here he mentions how the voice may not be talking about the relevant or current situation. I often find my self thinking about the past; what could I have done different, or better, or what was I supposed to see and learn. Or, I am thinking about the future, trying to visualize it and prepare, mostly worrying or dreading something. For me, these experiences are very visual. I do not have a perfect photographic memory, but my visual memory is very dominate in me. My mental movies are a very real experience for me, maybe comparable to being in a day dream. These are my tormentors. It's funny cause these became apparent to me from reading harry potter. They have something called dementors, they will suck everything happy out of you and only leave the unhappy memories. There have been times when I feel like there's a dementor/tormentor living in my head. Also, I judge my present based on my past, but we all do right? I think the important thing here is to understand and become aware that literally our perception of the present is distorted. So we are already telling ourselves what we want to see in the present based on the past. The author talks more about this later in the book.
When you listen to that voice, listen to it impartially. That is to say, do not judge. Do not judge or condemn what you hear, for doing so would mean that the same voice has come in again through the back door. You'll soon realize: there is the voice, and here I am listening to it, watching it. This I am realization, this sense of your own presence, is not a thought. It arises from beyond your mind.
Here the authors gives the first steps on "watching the thinker". I'll admit it's easier said than done. I am still trying to listen in on myself. It's not easy.
When a thought subsides, you experience a discontinuity in the mental steam - a gap of 'no-mind.' At first, the gaps will be short, a few seconds perhaps, but gradually they will become longer. When these gaps occur, you feel a certain natural state of felt oneness with Being, which is usually obscured by the mind. With practice, the sense of stillness and peace will deepen. In fact, there is no end to its depth. you will also feel a subtle emanation of joy arising from deep within: the joy of Being.
As soon as I read this a movie popped into my mind. I Heart Huckabees. If you haven't seen it, it's about a man who is having a crisis with what appears to him to be a coincidence. There is another character in the movie who is having an existential crisis. There is a part of the movie where a woman is trying to show them what "no-mind" is. She has them hit themselves in the face with a giant rubber ball a couple times until they experience it, which they do, but it doesn't last long. I have had my own experiences but they are short lived. If you practice though, they will become longer.
Instead of 'watching the thinker,' you can also create a gap in the mind stream simply by directing the focus of your attention into the Now. Just become intensely conscious of the present moment. This is a deeply satisfying thing to do. In this way, you draw consciousness away from mind activity and create a gap of no-mind in which you are highly alert and aware but not thinking. This is the essence of meditation.
This is something that I have done a lot and I know many can relate to. Think about when you are working really hard on something that you enjoy doing. Think about when you are having a really good conversation with your best friend. Think about when you are watching a show that you really enjoy, or a book. Usually all of your attention is focused on just that one thing. Most of the time you are also really enjoying yourself. I find this experience to be the strongest when I am really into a good conversation with a friend, I kinda get a high sometimes. Even writing this blog takes a lot of my attention and focus, which helps to keep me in the now.
In your everyday life, you can practice this by taking any routine activity that normally is only a means to an end and living it your fullest attention, so that it becomes an end in itself. For example, every time you walk up and down the stairs in your house or place of work, pay close attention to every step, every movement, even your breathing. Be totally present. Or when you wash you hands, pay attention to all the sense perceptions associated with the activity: the sound and feel of the water, the movement of your hands, the scent of the soap, and so on. Or when you get into your car, after you close the door, pause for a few seconds and observe the flow of your breathe. Become aware of a silent but powerful sense of presence. There is one certain criterion by which you can measure the success in this practice: the degree of peace that you feel within.
I have been trying to practice this as much as I can. You don't realize how much is going on unless you stop and look around and just devote some time to the now. I know some people that are really good about noticing things. I often wonder how they can be paying so much attention to the surroundings. My car is the place that I am best at being in the now. I like to blast the radio and find some songs that I can sing to. I often end up playing my air guitar or air drums. I noticed that driving started to make me feel relaxed and happy, even when I was sitting in traffic. I was no longer concerned with getting to my location. I knew I would get there when I get there. In the mean time, all I have is me, my radio, and my surroundings. Like the author says, try it and see how you feel.
So the single most vital step on your journey toward enlightenment is this: learn to disidentify from your mind. Every time you create a gap in the stream if mind, the light of your consciousness grows stronger.
I have been getting better at creating gaps in my thinking. Its only been a short time for me but I am noticing small improvements in the way I feel already. It's reinforcing for me to know that the more of these gaps you create, the stronger your conscious will grow. I know that as long as I keep to it, one day my conscious will be noticeably stronger. I'm not expecting it to happen any time soon, but to know that it will come one day makes me happy.
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